That fiancé of yours. Is he of the opinion that once he popped the question, his duties are over until the big day? Or does he actually want to be involved in the wedding planning process but doesn’t know what to do or how to help out?
Well, no matter how willing he is to roll up his sleeves and get involved in planning your wedding or not, there are some things he just has to do. We’ve put together a list of the biggies that will get your groom thinking about his preferences. Because once he really gets the fact that it’s his day, too, and that you want him to be involved and happy with the celebration, lots of things will open up for the two of you.
The groom has to be involved in:
• Setting the date
• Determining the budget
• Deciding on the guest list
• Choosing his members of the wedding party
• Choosing the formal wear
• Planning the groom’s dinner
• Buying the bride a wedding gift
• Writing his toasts to the bride and to the guests
Beyond that, have a talk with your groom to find out what his must-haves are. It could be a particular type of food (late-night Chicago-style hotdogs), a location (his family’s lake place) or even a color scheme (his alma mater’s colors). Once you’ve shared what’s important to both of you, the real planning and the working together can begin!
We talked with a few grooms at the office about their weddings and how involved they were in the planning process. Here’s what they said:
Charlie:“My role was to be supportive and to give my input on final decisions. Fortunately, my wife is very creative and put far more thought into the details than I am capable of. She would ask for input on everything, but my only concern was keeping her happy and weighing in on the bigger decisions.” (awww! what a guy!)
“We had the wedding at our home, so I was involved in much of the planning an setup. Except for the dresses, I was involved in everything: guest list, flowers, music, invitations, food, entertainment, ceremony details, location setup, etc.” (Super Groom!)
“Because I work here, I had a bigger role in choosing the wedding invitations than most men probably do. I actually gave her direction regarding printing, envelopes and other components, and could guide her toward making cost-conscious choices — because I was also in charge of the budget and making sure we didn’t go over our funds! (a guy who’s interested in invitations? wow…)
When we asked them about their must-haves, they told us:
“All I wanted was an NBA-themed grand entrance. And I got it! The bridesmaids and groomsmen were announced like they were on two opposing basketball teams.” (awesome – and so creative!)
Clint:“Live musicians performing songs that my bride and I loved and a live band at the reception.” (rock and roll!)
“Quick service and a buffet-style meal. Easy, because she was in agreement!” (now that’s teamwork…)
How about those compromises?
: “We only had to comprise on who we were able to invite. Numbers were an issue so we both had to make some tough decisions.” (ouch…)
: “Honestly I don’t recall a compromise situation other than who to invite and who not to invite, which to me is the hardest thing about a wedding. We’d liked to invite everybody if we could have afforded it. To this day, I have guilty feelings about forgetting people or having to cut them from the list.” (ouch again…)
And their advice to brides who want to get the groom involved in the wedding planning?
“My advice would be that your husband probably doesn’t want to make all the decisions, so try to gauge his response to certain things and/or discuss what is most important to him (e.g. food, entertainment, etc). He’ll be much more engaged and willing to work on things he actually cares about.” (it’s called managing your expectations)
“I would tell her to try to avoid separating duties, but try to plan as much as possible together. That way he won’t feel like he has 2-3 things to plan and the rest of the wedding will be planned by the bride. I went along to the decorator and photographer several times, and just being there allowed me to give some ideas and express what I wanted with the day.” (it’s all about the togetherness, man):
Clint: “Get the groom involved from the very beginning with everything. Even if they know nothing about it and are not interested in the flowers, music, food, etc., it IS their day too so they need to be involved in these decisions. Keeping them involved in everything (without overwhelming them in little details of your dress, shoes, jewelry, etc.) will keep them “engaged” in the entire event.” (and being engaged is important!)
Just ask, but you need to promise if he responds with a different opinion to “how do you think this looks?” you won’t take it personally. A six pack of beer before the conversation wouldn’t hurt.” (you’re a wise man, Travis…a wise man):
And there you have it, brides: insider tips on getting your groom involved, straight from the source. Best of luck to you – and keep us posted on how it works for you!